There seems to be something in the air over on my Facebook (yeah, their legs as my cheeky, darling late Grandad would have said). It’s that time of year where everyone announces their pregnancy or updates their status from the maternity ward with an adorable baby picture to go with it. I instantly think wow, another one bites the dust but then it hits me; these girls I spoke to in school but have never spoken to since are in their twenties now and it’s natural to find a man, settle down and have children. Compared to me, they’re substantially mature. Sometimes, I forget how old I am. I’m 22 but still feel like a carefree teen; still living at home with no dependant responsibilities and only my own burden, I haven’t had the chance to properly experience the adult life yet. It does make me feel like I’m going absolutely nowhere (hey, sometimes even further backwards) but I have to give myself a shake when I’m starting to seclude and differentiate myself from what others are doing and realise I have my whole life ahead of me – even if it does appear everyone is moving swiftly forward in a blink of an eye whilst I stay in my standing still safe spot.
I don’t think too much about being a single lady, I advocate one of those ‘if it happens, it happens’ kinda attitudes. Although I question regularly “when the hell is it gonna be my turn?” I’m not desperate for that alone to complete me. I often consider the future I hope to have planned, the cliche type, meet my soul mate, marry, have lots of babies etc etc but I don’t absolutely rely on this hope for current stability and security and I certainly wouldn’t want to rush the cycle for the sake of the speed of others’ lives. Working on myself comes first, it’s important for me to find my inner peace, to be healthy and 100% happy, to deal with my own issues before involving anyone else and I think that’s where my growth spurs from opposed to the latter. I guess in that way I have my head screwed on, I need to be prepared and ready before I make those serious and, realistically, life changing decisions of advanced adulthood.
Looking back, as a little girl you have these fairytale dreams of meeting your prince charming but in reality, unfortunately it doesn’t swim as smoothly and the years just seem to fly by in the blink of an eye (I’m pretty sure two minutes ago I was coming home from school to watch non stop Tracey Beaker with my turkey twizzlers and potato smiley faces). When I was 16 and left school I was all ahhh I’m young and at liberty, reached 18 and felt the same, and now at 22 I’m like, damn, still nothing. People are changing, I’m getting older and sadly, you can’t stop it but patience IS a virtue. I’d rather wait than force myself into something major just because there’s a tiny frightened voice screaming back at me that my victory will never happen.
It is, without a doubt, a hugely competitive world, you’re bound to look at others and compare yourself but I think you have to consider that there will be plenty of people out there presently content with their lack of established relationships and child-stress bags under the eyes (or at least I hope there is, which is the whole point of this personally expressive post). The point is, everyone moves at their own pace, it’s important for you to accomplish and progress at your own speed and not to be drawn in by what’s going on around you to allow you to reach your central comfort point. In a nutshell, you control your destiny. Whether I need to accept I’m on an individual path or whether I need to strive hard, find the courage and allow life to fall into place I don’t know but what I do know is that I’m free to explore, have fun, and concentrate on my fulfilment whilst thankfully avoiding dirty nappies and piercing screams. I need to remind myself of that positive more often.
Is anyone else in the same position? I’d love to hear your situation from both ends!