As last week’s Sunday Natter seemed to be embraced with likeness and was the pinnacle to my ego boost in the recognition that I do have the ability to make at least one person laugh (even if it is the ‘silently whilst my face doesn’t move’ kind) I thought to follow on the light-hearted, witty approach to the cliché stereotypes and general characterizing of bloggers, I’d produce yet another post that is hopefully relatable to this community of influencers that just so happen to have being sucked into this world of strenuous yet rewarding activity.
There’s no doubt about it, blogging goes hand in hand with me as a person strolling through everyday life. Meet someone for the first time? Guaranteed my love of pursuing my blog will crop up in conversation. In fact, I find it hard to think back to what I did before blogging, before I entwined this whole new chapter into one that hadn’t even really begun yet. The difference now is, my time isn’t just spent lounging around feeling sorry for myself and reining in too much trashy TV (oh yeah, who am I kidding) – no, now I’m kept busy non stop with a circle of ideas, opportunities, thrived creativity and unavoidably, the attachments that conform with the success and learning process of being an average blogger at best.
One | Becoming a self-diagnosed hoarder because even though you have a product for black hair when yours is blonde, you just never know when you might need it.
Two | Raiding the high street shops at every passing chance because there is no limit to the amount of blog props you own – did someone say a collection of Paperchase cardboard backgrounds, Ikea plant pots and crafted flowers?
Three | Being unable to see past a certain point in your bedroom because there’s a number of boxes filled with unopened mail you just cannot trial until photographed. So much exciting stuff, so little space.
Four | The disappointment you feel when you enter a restaurant hoping to get some banging insta photos with white tables and marble tops to then discover the lighting resembles that of a dark mining pit.
Five | Spending hours perfecting the correct angle during a photographing session only to look back later on and turn your nose at every single one, whether that be an imbalance of sheer focus to blurry background or your awkward inability to look ‘natural’.
Six | Driving past places close to home and instantly labelling them as new potential outfit locations – or some would say, finding beauty in an ordinary spot you so easily overlooked before attuning to blogger brain (think baby brain but worse).
Seven | Being in a constant cycle of should I buy, should I save, how badly do I need this, will my appearance improve by at least 20%, let’s just go ahead and purchase anyway because it’s perfectly okay to justify with a reasonable excuse like ‘at least I can blog about it’.
Eight | Making a mental (or even a physical) note of the events in day to day life just in case you need the information later on for a future blog post. With every documented moment is an open opportunity to expand experience and reflect on reality.
Nine | On the subject of notes; bombarding your notes section on your phone with your latest wishlist or random wordings that currently represent a jumble but will make sense when written up later on. Along with the many screen shots of images taken from social media to use as inspiration to reach those ultimate goals.
Ten | Having absolute no storage space and being prepared to battle head to head with the ‘storage almost full’ notification on your phone. The absolute bane of life is having to choose which app to delete or what group of photos to get rid of when deep down you’re scared to part with potential back up selfies or that home cooked meal courtesy of Grandma. How can this first world problem be so traumatic?!
Eleven | Going to sleep with a head full of ideas, unable to find the strength to open your eyes and add to the note section mentioned above because the overwhelming tiredness washes over you and soon enough you’re in the land of nod but then absolutely scorning yourself the next day when you wake up and realise you can’t remember a damn thing no matter how hard you try to pinpoint the brainstorm.
Twelve | The technology vs real life scenario decision you have to make whenever you’re around in public, at a family event, on a night out or even at work. Everyone else around you reckons you’re ignorantly playing Candy Crush or texting your new found romance when in fact, it’s more than likely the shower of tweets you need to schedule or the images that need Facetune’ing to Kim K level.
Thirteen | The nightmare of slow internet, or worst case – the unluckiness of a dreaded powercut shutting off all access to your online network. Checking up on your favourite accounts, scrolling through your feed and becoming involved in what could be important Twitter chats (when you remember them that is) are all part of the race and when it’s suddenly conked out you’re left to feel cold turkey with a worry you’re missing out on the latest gossip or huge announcement.
Fourteen | Bloggers’ block; having the proposed plans locked in your memory somewhere but sat there, with a blank page of your hosting site open, hands hovering over the keyboard, your enthusiasm saying yes but your typing fingers rebelling with a no answer. You just don’t know where to start, you have the desire to write but your hands and your brain aren’t cooperating together and before you know it you have to adult again – taking away all motivation.
Fifteen | Those outfit out-takes that always come back to haunt you during a photographing session. Why is it there’s always that one horrific stance where you resemble that of a old hagged witch – eyes closed, skin a little too white, bent over back, weird expression on your face whilst the wind blows your hair in every direction? Inner cringing is not the word.
Sixteen | Having to succumb to the ideation of the general public and their issues with your picture taking as though they’ve never seen a flashy camera before in their life. Them giving you the evil eye or making sniggering remarks as you take a seat at the setting with the dreamy interior, pull out your DSLR and begin to snap away knowing full well all eyes are on you. It’s a good thing us bloggers learn how to ignore with an imagined wall slit between us and the misjudgement of the local folk.
Seventeen | HTML. Just HTML. Thinking you’ve cracked it when your layout looks even worse than before and the coding transforms into an utter ‘please leave it to the professionals in the future’ mess. Need I say anymore?
Eighteen | The highly anticipated email responding having to be dealt with no matter how long you hold it off for. You know the one, a brand or a PR company going out of their way to be nice but their offering just isn’t to your tastes and little old awkward soul over here doesn’t know how to make turning them down seem gently plausible. Or the ones who feel they can exploit you purely because of your blogger status. How does one politely decline a £5 contribution in exchange for a lengthy instructed blog post with a word limit and affiliated links without sounding utterly bitter?
Nineteen | The common disappointment when comparing your lack of uniqueness to the high class standard of others. The ‘why didn’t I think of that’ attitude you desperately try to rid of but fail rapidly at when kicking yourself because you weren’t the first person to bring forth a valuable piece of content. It almost puts your dull, drafted ideas to shame!
Twenty | Struggling to find a equilibrium between the reviewing of a product; how much is too much? I want to praise every inch of this miracle worker but how much can I say about a lipstick before it gets tirelessly boring? Do I talk too much? Does anyone even care? This over analysing and slating of actions is often way too common for comfort.
I know this has probably been done a million times before but I’m always open to putting my own spin on things and as they’re my favourite way to get a giggle out of a topic that can often get serious, I just couldn’t resist. Let me know your problems in the comments!
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